Wednesday, April 15, 2015

.and then there was Adam

An unexpected visitor, at an unexpected time, with an unexpected name choice
(he was planned though lol)

On November 8th of 2013, my fairytale dream came true by marrying the wind that has blown beneath my wings for several years going quiet unnoticed for the majority of them, my wonder wall whom I now have the honour to call my husband.
My life has continued at the same pace it was going at prior to the marriage, the same dull routine, same boring job that got even more boring as the days went by, same outings, same friends, circles, places..etc. As lifeless as it may sound, I was quiet content with it that way, I was in no place for taking risks or engaging in new experiences as I thought to myself I had already done that by getting married, nothing major had changed in my routine but that is undoubtedly a major chapter.

And then all of a sudden, hit the maternal instincts, and the question that my husband dreaded for weeks before the pregnancy, and which made him question the exact level of maturity his wife was on:
"how come I am not pregnant yet? We've been married for a good amount of time now!"

Needless to say, I was quiet naive and uninformed, doing a laboratory test just to be one hundred percent certain, I found out about my pregnancy when I was around 8 weeks far along!

When I got the lab results, I was nothing like I would have imagined myself to be, long before getting married I always thought of pregnancy and labour as this horrifying experience that I simply wouldn't want to go through under any circumstances what so ever, and if my maternal instincts were to kick, I'd get a pet and call it a day. But it was completely different, I was not happy, I was euphoric, to see the least.

I was just seeing so vividly how beautiful this wild ride is going to be, and how much both my pea in the pod and I are going to enjoy it, every milestone, every trimester, every growth spurt, every development and every single moment of it all, I knew it was going to be priceless. I was utterly unafraid, I had a relatively large ovarian cyst that absolutely meant nothing, the cesarean meant nothing, as long as it all led to me meeting the light of my eyes.

On October 19th 2014, I delivered my baby "Adam", not only had a new chapter of my life just begun, I felt like that was the first day of my life.

The first week post partum was very difficult for me giving the c-section (obviously I acknowledge that women who give vaginal birth go through hell and back as well), but I can recall how painful it was not being able to eat,rest,sleep, pass anything,, or even talk due to how much pain I was feeling.

I remember the moment I woke up after the surgery, I was hungover, on a hospital bed in the post-surgery transfer room, on the other side of the wall, there was a woman going into labour and she was screaming bloody murder, I grabbed the closest nurse to me in a way that felt like it was straight out of a horror flick and I recall whispering to her "get me out of here". She did, out of fear, I'd like to believe.

When I had arrived to my room at the hospital, Adam was not there, which freaked me out! See, watching a lot of TV, I always assumed the mother and newborn stay at the same room, but apparently no :D they would bring him to me every four hours, which was devastating, I couldn't get enough of looking at him, I remember the first time I held him in my arms and my husband wanted to take him from me to send him back to the nursery, I yelled: "no, he's mine!". Well , he is. :/

Going back home with the baby was very easy, two weeks before giving birth I had set up everything I might need, which made transiting him from the hospital to the house very easy, and he made it very easy as well, Adam was a very peaceful newborn, he had a very precise schedule of feeding and sleeping that he fell into on his own, and he would only cry a little bit when waking up hungry, but there were no unexplained  fits of crying of any sort (at least not until the dreaded phase were that is expected to happen).

Now as the days go by, I find that every stage has its beauty and its own challenges as well, but so far it has been a magnificent experience, watching my little guy grow from a ball of fragile flesh into this travel sized human being with an ever developing bright personality, and the connection I have with him is indescribable. I will do whatever it takes, but I need to pray that i have the strength and ability to be the best mother you could ever ask for, my everything <3 nbsp="" p="">



Sunday, January 20, 2013

.iLike: my current playlist

An un-mentioned resolution for the new year is to give up hip hop music. The more I get into it the more my already disturbed mind gets soiled. I am not generalizing and saying that all rap/ hip hop music is bad, I will keep listening to some of those who have actual meanings to their songs, but I guess the mistake I have made that I have sacrificed lyrics quality for hypnotizing beats.

Any who, I am really liking these few songs at the moment.

Starting off with miss Lizzy Grant :P I didn't like her songs a while ago but i am growing accustomed to them, this one is my favorite.

Lana Del Rey-Radio


The second one is by the girl who introduced me to the song afterwards, this brilliant girl is the Aussie Bella who surprisingly did not win X-Factor, she's amazing, her voice gives me goosebumps, I am glad she got a record deal though.

Bella Ferraro- Set me On Fire 




And next.... Birdy-Skinny Love 





And last but not least, Adele's Skyfall, I have to admit though Adele sure wasn't the best choice for this song, I still like it though it could have been performed better.


Wednesday, January 9, 2013

.photoS of the day


Click to enlarge (for better quality)


This is the first time I have seen it snow in 4 years, not super excited, but thankful, this is definitely a blessing.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

.new year's resolutions..

1- Update this abandoned warehouse more often: it is so neglected that owls are living here.

I say this approximately every year or two, and I end up forgetting that this place exists. Its mostly as i get caught up with things that are more defining to my future than my online diary that no one ever cares about.
But I still feel contained in it, it's my little sanctuary where I can keep secrets and tell them at the same time, hopefully I will be encouraged to update it if I follow the next resolution.

2- Take more pictures.

Dear self: please put up with the camera you have despite the fact that you want another one, what you have is good enough and even better than what most people have, especially Canon users. Take enough pictures and maybe that will be a good reason for you to get an update.

And do it quick, this weather is gorgeous.

3-Format the closet: you've already started miss foof, well done.

Embrace the apparel that you like, and to hell with whatever anyone else thinks.

4- Take more self portraits: while you're doing the above two.
Especially those OOTD photos, I like them a lot. Try to gain the confidence it takes for these pictures to be posted.

5- Fear of anything; begone!

6- Redecorate your bedroom: just try to maintain its tidiness and cleanness  and then move on to the next step.

7- Disconnect from the outer world: as strange as it may sound, I should seriously start doing this, turning off all IM possibilities, turning off my phone, taking a day or two off of work. People are the worst of distractions and sometimes I need to get them out of the way for a little bit.

8 - Give ultimatums, and see who takes them seriously :).

9- Start a reasonable diet and join the gym

10- Learn something new, whatever that would be...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

.sinful pleasures

A confession of a couple of quite bad addictions I happen to suffer from and don't even bother to get treatment for.

1- Shisha (Hookah) 

This is an addiction that was conceived in happiness and leisure, raised in rage and depression, has grown to be my only refuge and is consuming every last part of me (including my honesty).

First time I have huffed a puff was approximately 4 years ago, when the females in my family were all around, and new beautiful bonds were forming, along with all these sweet moments it was introduced by an older and rather awesome one of us. But things happen and people depart, physically of course, we cannot ever be detached emotionally, we integrate each other. I am not assuming, but entirely positive that I took off the habit by myself because subconsciously, it reminded me of a much better, much simpler time, it's like I have extracted the parts of those memories that is the easiest to recreate and went ahead with it.

The bad part is, I am not being able to let go, I have tried, financial crisis didn't stop me, physical damage didn't stop, disapproval of loved ones didn't effect me.. I don't know what else well, and I don't want to get to the moment where I no longer have a choice.

My father was a heavy smoker, and he quit due to a severe illness he encountered, my uncle passed away because of his tobacco consumption, this is exactly what I do not want, I want to quit while I am still strong, but I am honest enough with myself to admit that I do not see it happening anytime soon...




To be continued..

Thursday, July 12, 2012

.my celebrity crush

for the time being, of course, I am very unstable emotionally..

It is Donald Glover.

I am not going to be very articulate or thorough listing the reasons why, but I will state a fact that is undeniable by anyone, this man is volcano of talents. It's really depressing to see him not getting the exposure he deserves, but maybe that's because he is not so subject to being scandalous and mediocre.

Now, let's get to why that is..

1- He, (IMO) is -as he best explains it "hot like a parked car, weird like n*gger with a hard R"



2- He is hilarious, and God knows how much I am drawn to people with sophisticated and clever humor. I am not saying this only based on his role in Community as Troy, but based a) the fact that he writes my all time favorite TV comedy series 30 Rock along with Tina Fey, b) going through the outtakes of Community and seeing how he, and the entire cast improvises is impressive, 3) watching his stand up, he is brilliant. He uses many pop culture and modern references but his humor is still timeless and could get to anyone.




3- His music is awesome, period.



I decided to share this video because i think it's brilliant, and the music video is a bit disturbing and seriously unrelated to anything.

4- He is into fashion, I rest my case :).





Sunday, July 1, 2012

.Monsieur Lazhar


Is a stunning film.

I am not saying this merely because I am biased towards French films, but I am saying it because what I have had the privilege to watch was absolute perfection. However, I will rate it 9/10 because that is as nice as I can go.

Everything about it is just different, the events of the production take place in Canada, meaning that it's not heavily reliant on the charm that overcomes one instantly when seeing scenery from French cities, and yet the places are still memorable and the simplicity of them contributes beautifully to a story that is highly complex by consisting of simple details.

The story line is unique, that is the best way to describe it, it is not familiar or predictable, the cast isn't a composition of over-dramatic models, but of absolutely charming people with realistic raw emotions.

What I loved most about it would be the vague connections between any pair or group of people, it keeps the mind interested, and I know I was interested when an approximately 90 minute  movie, passes in what feels like 10 min.

It is so captivating, and sophisticated, it might not interest everyone, but I am certain it will impress most.